I Am a Mead, and So Can You


What is a Mead?


Mead is some good shit faggot. Essentially, it is fermented honey and water. It's ABV can be pretty fucking high, to the point you can get properly drunk off of it.

Sounds Gay


It's not as gay as it sounds. Mead is actually one of the oldest fermented alcoholic drinks in history. Some records date mead to around the time of Germanic Europe and even parts of Early Middle East. Famously, it was the drink of choice for Vikings, the fags of the Classical era.

Magic the Meadening


Mead used to be viewed as a magical drink that connected oneself with the spirits of their ancestors and bestowed magical powers. This was a result of some dumb fucks who used to brew the drink out in the open. The fucking retards never covered the receptacle that contained the must (honey and water mixture), so wild bacteria and yeast went into the mixture and helped it ferment. There is also the myth of the magic stick. During these times, a stick was used to stir the mixture in order to mix the honey and water properly. This was done every now and then, but what they didn't know was that they were actually making the mead stronger. The dumb fucks of the time attributed the stick as magical and contained the spirits of the ancestors that stirred the mead before. In reality, these dumbasses were actually using a stick full of wild yeast that was never cleaned. So as they stirred, more yeast was added, therefore it fermented way better and yielded stronger drink.

The Shit is too Sweet


Mead comes in two varieties, dry and sweet. Its honestly easy to make either mead. A dry mead has an equal amount of honey and water, to which it is very minutely sweet, rather it is more so dry in taste and hits you like a nice champagne or some other gay ass drink. Sweet mead is a result of way too much honey and not enough water. If done properly, this could potentially yield way higher ABV, even reaching 20% or more! However, if you do produce sweet mead, do take note that the sweetness can put people off.

How Can I Try Some?


Mead has certainly fallen out of popularity due to it being sweet and made out of honey. Liberals and women ruined honey for everyone, so its usually associated with feminine shit such as Burt's Bees and sweet candy, etc. However, this does not mean it is not available in liquor stores. Most liquor stores, or otherwise known as the grocery store for Irish and Scottish people, have mead selections. These selections are all the way in the back or in the corner you usually gloss over while you're looking for another IPA that tastes like shit. The meadson the shelf are fine, you should try one. However, if you want to be a real man, you fucking wait and commission for some mead to be done by me, motherfucker. I aim to produce the hardest shit, no frills, no gay shit, but something you can drink without feeling like you voted for Hilary or developing another cavity.

Conclusion and Upcoming Shit


Overall, mead is some good shit. It will get you drunk and you will feel like a real man doing it. It can be made correctly and with other shit to which you can transform the flavor such as oak chips and bourbon. Making mead is also very easy. On average, it takes an hour or two to make the first batch of mead, and after that you set it to ferment then rack it and bottle it over the course of several months. There really is no wrong way. Except the way you are thinking.

I will be making new batches of mead in the near future because it is my alternative to smoking 3 packs a day and social anxiety in a new city. I will post an article of how to make mead, as well as possibly recipes and what i did for new batches. Additionally, I will bring a couple bottles to the next Lone Star Bois™ Meetup,  one of the first original mead, and the other being a special recipe that should be good. By the way, if you have any idea for mead or want me to make some recipes, feel free to share it with me. If you are really invested, help commission, fucking help me afford honey. Honey is fucking expensive at times (a gallon ranging from $59+).

Anyways, this is about mead. Go fuck yourselves.



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